Social media may have ruined society and everything good, but that doesn’t mean it has to ruin your family holiday, too.
While most of us have gotten better about breaking those annoying cellphone habits, like turning off the camera Flash and notifications and avoiding “phubbing,” there are still areas we need to collectively improve if we ever want to function as a normal society again. It might not be you personally, either that has to change, but something you can do to help someone.
Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year where families reunite and everything is supposed to be full of good cheer -- but for some, it is a time of toxic family, anxiety, and awkward conversations over a beer. Whatever way you cut it, multiple generations with different personality types together under one roof will always cause some level of stress. The last thing you want to do is make it worse by committing a faux pas, let alone one related to social media or your phone. Some lesser-known but still important tips, tricks and Internet-y things to avoid:
Limit Selfie Attempts to 5 (or 30 seconds)
Any longer than that and you interrupt the rhythm of the moment or the room and risk everyone stopping what they’re doing to look at the spectacle that has become you. Group selfies especially: not everyone wants to stand around while you find the best angle and lighting for your bone structure. Some people have comfortable armchairs they could be sitting in, preferably undisturbed and with a warm beverage.
Rock The Doc
Selfies might not be the best technology for holiday family time but filming the festivities with your relatives documentary-style most definitely is. Filming is a lot less intrusive, doesn’t interrupt activities or traffic flow and allows you to catch more genuine moments. Assigning this task to the particularly angsty, anti-social or teenage member of your family is also a great way to keep them occupied and relatively content.
Not Your Kid, Don’t Share Pic
Your niece may look absolutely adorable in her Christmas tutu dress but the Internet might not feel the same way. Ask your relative for permission, especially if you want to share an image on a public account. Not everyone is comfortable with online strangers seeing their kids and some are more privacy-conscientious than others. There’s a lot to be wary of, from digital kidnapping, baby-role-playing, cyberbullying to child abusers who crawl through social media profiles collecting photos of kids (like under #bathtime) for their gross forum posts and videos.
Another pro tip: ask the minor as well! Teens especially have strong feelings about this topic and the child may too and not want their photo shared anywhere at all. My baby brother, now 17, was very adamant about not being in any photos (or using anecdotes about him for blogging and Twitter) for a decade. Making this concession was easy, but I am also not a daily (or even regular) social media user.
Some suggestions for how to remove an unwanted photo of your child online can be found here and here.
DON’T Meme IRL
Not everyone is as digitally literate as you and you may think you are explaining the intricacies of your favorite online meme in an entertaining and cogent manner but 80% of the time no one understands your jargon, slang or web culture references.
If you just absolutely must meme IRL, best to mix your internet memes with ones that did not originate from the web... like a popular story from a book, comic, or movie. Another option is to mix it with an in-group related joke, like an embarrassing family trip incident.
DO Talk to Your Family about Trollbot Memes
Trolls and bots, namely of the Russian variety, have infiltrated online discourse and spread their inflammatory misinformation and fake facts all over the web via viral tweets and Grandpa’s Facebook memes. This country has never been more divided in recent memory, and a good part of why are Russia’s online influence campaigns. When the family is around the dinner table during the holiday season, even a tiny sprinkling of misinformation can ignite a full-blown argument. Avoiding politics is just not possible this year, sorry.
Think of this trollbot discussion as your patriotic duty -- Russia has yet to show signs of stopping their nefarious web activity anytime soon and the current administration seems oddly inept at this issue so it has fallen upon us, the regular citizens, to be vigilant and help each other.
The key here is to keep the conversation bipartisan. Russians created fake GOP accounts like the one impersonating the Tennessee Republican party, true, but they also impersonated Bernie Sanders supporters. Even two years later, we are unearthing new information about the extent of Russian influence campaigns, with the latest findings showing a massive operation targeting people of color. Not everyone is up-to-date on the latest trollbot news and techniques and chances are, neither are you. Don’t spend too much time explaining how to identify the fake social media accounts, rather, discuss the importance of skepticism and the wise adage about never trusting what you read online. You may think you are sounding paranoid but you’ll have some relatives that remember the Cold War and you’ll make more sense to them than you realize.
This will also be a good time to ask your family members for recommendations on legacy media, like radio and TV shows, if only to offer other sources to verify information for yourself and to round out your personal media diet.
Sharing Is Caring, Not Shaming
Be mindful of your blessings. Not everyone celebrates Christmas, can afford to do Christmas, or has family that they can be with (or want to be with) during this time of the year.
If you know of someone alone on Christmas who doesn’t want to be, sending them even a goofy text with festive emoji can do wonders as a mood pick-me-up, and maybe even save their life. Your lonely pal may say they are fine binge-watching Netflix (maybe with a bottle of wine) but statistically, they’re really probably not. So much of the Christmas and New Year messaging -- from advertisements to movie specials -- is about being with loved ones but not having a family, or a cadre of friends, to go be with this time of year can make those without feel like they are failing at life or missing something essential about the human experience.
On the flip side of this, don’t shame others for perceived displays of wealth no matter how ridiculous or extravagant you think those displays are. Take for example, how 38-year-old Emma Tapping was first shamed online in 2015 for having “too many presents” under her tree for her three kids and husband. Every year since, she’s added more gifts to her trees, perhaps to the delight of the annually outraged mob (now in its fourth year) and the accompanying UK media frenzy. Her pile was “obscene” last year; this year online haters called her “disgusting” and “selfish.” Every year Tapping tells the angry public in interviews how she begins shopping for her family during January clearance and really only spends about the equivalent of $2,500. Perhaps it is a matter of UK gift etiquette but in the US, 33% of Americans are expected to spend more than $1000 on holiday gifts this year, according to Investopedia. Spending $2,500 on four family members, an expense spread out over 12 months, is hardly outrageous or obscene.
Cyberbullying this mother on Instagram for how she spends her money on her family is not only harmful to her, but to you as well, because it builds up hate in your heart in the space where there should be love. Don’t become a Grinch -- it begins with behavior like this!
