Big Social Media sucks up 142 minutes of our time, daily.
But it’s not just a time suck. Big Social also has the same effect on our bodies as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
Big Social doubles loneliness. Triples depression. Makes it harder to sleep. Leads to addiction, anxiety, and higher suicide rates.
But Big Social doesn’t just destroy our individual social, psychological, and emotional health. Big Social is also a threat to the very fabric of our society. In that way, it is no different from Big Tobacco was during its heyday. Smoking didn’t just kill you, it also killed the people around you. Big Social is a threat to our communities and our country because it suppresses real conversation. Time spent scrolling replaces time invested in convos that actually matter. It’s no wonder that today, 27% of Americans feel no one really understands them. 43% feel their relationships aren’t meaningful.
And when time spent on Big Social leaves us more drained than we first started, how can we possibly have enough energy to create the space for vulnerable, authentic, and meaningful conversations with our family? Our children? Our friends? When half of our non-working, non-sleeping hours are spent scrolling, how can we have the time to explore conversations with people different from us? To have the hard dialogues on anti-racism, justice, public health, and politics, that are so critical to our communities, our country?
We’ve entered a dangerous new age where Big Social's outrage-seeking algorithms have drowned out the exchange of ideas and perspectives that is so critical to democracy. Where Big Social keeps us inside our bubbles and out-of-touch with humanity. Polarizes us against each other to make $67 billion a year off us.
Is it too late? Has Big Social Already Killed Conversation?
I’m an optimist and I think there’s still time for a revolution.
Today’s Big Social eerily resembles yesterday’s Big Tobacco. Scrolling is the new smoking.
But the thing is, we won against Big Tobacco. There’s a lot we can learn from how we took Big Tobacco down for how we can break free of Big Social.
In Big Tobacco’s heyday in 1963, Americans smoked 523 billion cigarettes a year. 42% of Americans were smoking then. Today, we’re down to 12%.
People woke up. They realized cigarettes were killing them. They realized cigarettes were killing their children. As people woke up, they forced the government to take action. In 1998, Big Tobacco was knocked flat on its face when it was forced to pay out a $206 billion master settlement with 46 states that had filed against the tobacco industry for recovery of their tobacco-related health-care costs, the largest settlement in U.S. history.
79% of Americans use Big Social today. But, we’re waking up. We’re starting to realize scrolling is the new smoking. In Jan 2020, Facebook was forced to pay $550 million in a settlement for a class action lawsuit where citizens’ privacy rights were grossly violated. My prediction is that this is just the beginning. The hundred billion dollar lawsuits are coming for Big Social, because when we finally quantify the social, emotional, psychological, and societal damage that has resulted from Big Social’s reign, the grand total might just exceed the damage from Big Tobacco’s reign.
Finally, just like beating Big Tobacco, beating Big Social is going to take all of us taking our time, health, and conversations back. If you’re motivated to take action, I have a few personal stories to share. Just like with smoking, quitting cold turkey is hard - it’s easier with a replacement, healthier behavior in hand. This is something that I learned when I quit Big Social myself.
I gave up 2 Big Socials at the beginning of the year (candidly, I’m still on my quitting journey - I think some Big Socials are more damaging than others and quit FB & Instagram first). At first it was very uncomfortable. There were noticeable moments where I was looking to my feed to fill the odd minutes between tasks. It got easier when I remembered that when my sister quit smoking one of the important things she did was replace smoking with a new habit.
So, I started a new habit: every time I had the urge to check my no longer existent social feeds, I would instead text or leave an audio message checking in on a friend or family member.
Within weeks I saw an immediate improvement in my mental clarity.
As the need for the quick dopamine hit started fading away, I found larger and larger chunks of my time opening up. I reinvested time previously wasted trying to broadcast my life in witty ways into meaningful, real conversations. I redesigned time spent on calls and video chats with friends, creating “Deep Question Tasting Menus” so we could jump on zooms and explore a myriad of new ideas and topics. I started investing in 8-min twine video convos 3 or 4 times a week with strangers to expand my perspective on questions I found uncomfortable and difficult, and to practice listening and holding space for those different from me. I set up and recorded a full season of 1-to-1 convos with strangers on life’s biggest questions on the Unscripted podcast. All of this has resulted in countless conversations on racism, politics, religion, purpose, power, freedom, and relationships that have made me a better version of who I was when I was using Big Social. During a time when I’ve been the most socially isolated in my life, I’ve seen my communication, conversation, and curiosity skills level-up. As I learn and practice the tools that help me better hold space, understand, listen deeply, and be curious about the humans around me, my mind is fired up and my soul is full.
All this to say, if you're thinking about quitting Big Social, I'm on this journey with you. If you've already quit Big Social, I'd love to hear your story. Together, we can replace meaningless posts, pretending, fear of rejection, FOMO, being judged, and getting the life (&data) drained out of us with meaningful conversations are vulnerable, energizing, sometimes uncomfortable and always real.
