Apple's Streaming TV Services Will Never Usurp Netflix, Hulu

Apple's March 25th event is creeping up like that cramping sensation an hour after eating 2am Taco Bell, and we've already gotten a pretty solid list of TV shows and movies that are slated to launch or appear on Apple's streaming service at some point. But it won't really matter. It will just be another content consumption hub that will elicit applause then collective shrugs.

Because you know what Apple's streaming service doesn't have? Friends. It doesn't have Adventure Time, Steven Universe, Cheers, 30 Rock, Always Sunny In Philadelphia, The Blacklist, NCIS and all the other shows we binge on the couch with a box of wine under our arm and sweat pants that are 65% Cheetos stains. While it might have these things in the future — it won't have them at launch and that's going to hurt.

There are a ton of streaming services and Apple's will just be another bullet point on a growing list of subscription services you don't want to pay for because you are already paying for so many. At what point does the ROI of cord-cutting begin to dip into the negative? Sure, you don't have cable any longer and you might feel superior about that, but you are paying twice as much for streaming services with the same amount of time in the day to consume the content.

Also see: Apple Announces Two New iPads In A Very Refreshing Way

Apple, to its credit, is trying to partner with companies such as HBO, Showtime and Starz — all of which have their own streaming services. So why would they want to compete with themselves and dump content onto Apple's streaming services? Most already have a deal with Hulu or Amazon Prime, to offer streaming services at an added cost. The same deal with Apple won't change much about the service offering from Apple.

In the past week, Apple has released new iPads and new AirPods via press release, so you know it's serious about this upcoming event being all about streaming services. At least it doesn't have Blockbuster to compete with. Instead it has to compete with our growing ambivalence towards streaming services, both in sheer volume of content and Netflix's market dominance.

Apple wants to be your one stop shop for innovative tech and entertainment, and that makes sense in some weird, overarching brand inundation way. Apple all the things right? In your ears, in your pocket and in your eyes. Yet, without that slate of classic television and movies that keep us glued to the Netflix search screen for hours on end, Apple's streaming service will just be another streaming service on a long list of streaming services that offer shows just good enough to torrent.